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Love was a feeling. Love happened, daily. Love was the good morning and the goodnight kiss, every day. Love was an alarm clock when it was needed the most. Love was the mixed caramel and cheese popcorn. Love was the endless nights. Love was the voice on the other side of the line in the middle of the day, that called to say nothing. Love was big brown eyes. Love was the rain. Love was the drives in that rain. Love was the anticipation before every meeting. Love was the wait before the next. Love was the fight that always ended up in love making. Love was the breath before the kiss. Love was the quickening of that breath. Love was the heartbeat that got skipped. Love was the shoulder that rested the muddled head, always. Love was the midnight meals and ice creams. Love was the sweet nothing that meant the world. Love was the pictures whose colors never seemed to fade away.

 

 

Love is a ghost. Love is a surreal subject that is spoken about. Love is discussed and often. Love is reminisced. Love is debated upon, rather the absence of it. Love is the loss of memory, the struggle to remember. Love is the bridge burned. Love is the lesson learned. Love is the scab that fell off the wound. Love is the scar left behind that itches every once in a while. Love is a short story that lived itself.

My struggles everyday are evident I know, but so are the outcomes from it. Everyday I fail n fall n everyday I pick myself back up again n each time I get up I win a little, every single day. No one gets a colossal victory overnight. This process is tedious and takes a lifetime to mature. Fail everyday n in turn win everyday. That’s the one n only way to win.

I need someone to share this silence with me n make love to the carcass of the memories, those which I fail to recollect or give names to. Words mean nothing anymore, they evoke no thunderstorms for there is no dust left.

The crackle of the left over camp fire embers in the wee hours of a silent, winter, jungle night. The crimson glow warming the edge of my cheeks. The cool breeze running down the arch of my bare back. The pores of my skin springing to life in urgency. No, It wasn’t love but it felt better somehow. Numb is a feeling too. It feels like nothing.

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She missed herself more than she missed him. The girl who now floats in that space and time.

The weak in me belonged to him but the strong in me still fucking belongs to me.

I like him. He likes loving the remains of himself. I am standing right in front of him. He sees right through me. It’s true, I led a transparent life.

You

Posted by Blush Lemonade in POEMS - (1 Comments)

I’m as subtle as the letter ‘b’ in subtle. I’m right here, but you can’t hear me.

I’m the speck in the minimal art that hangs in your bedroom. I’m right there but you can’t see me.

I’m the fragrance of the leaf blade in a bouquet of a dozen roses. I’m right there but you can’t smell me.

I’m the full stop at the end of a ten thousand word essay. I’m right there but you don’t read me.

I am that one moment in your life which made you feel truly alive. I’m right there somewhere in your subconscious mind, but your memory fails you.

I’m that one moment when you faced death in your face.I’m right there but you’ve mastered Extreme Sports and the adrenaline rush earns you your daily meal.

I’m the end of a bedtime story read too fast. I’m right there but you fell asleep early that night somehow.

I’m the silent note that acts primarily as the essence of your favourite song. I am right there but you missed it for the 100th time.

I’m the lucky hand at a jackpot you never played. I am right there but you firmly believed it wasn’t your day that day.

I’m the chance you never took.I am right there but you were going through a ‘phase’ in your life where rationality n logic were prerequisites for everything.

I’m that one sober moment where you truly enjoyed and absorbed the best drinking session of your life. I’m right there but you can’t seem to remember any of it.

I’m the most important junk you finally threw out in a trash can after holding on to it for 20 yrs.I’m right where i belong but i’m useless now.

I’m the verse of your favorite poetry from the first grade which you recited and rehearsed in front of the mirror day in n day out.I don’t rhyme anymore.

I’m the successor to your very first kiss. I felt better but I’ll never be  your first.

I’m the mellow in the cacophony of your busy city life. I’m right there in your heart but you are still searching for me elsewhere.

I’m the corner in your house where you have held some of the most memorable parties since your very first teenage crush walked in. I’m still lonely.

I’m the thought that keeps you tossing and turning on a sleepless night. I’m right there but you can never figure me out.

I’m the pretty in ‘pretty little things’. I’m right there but you can only fathom and imagine me as an insignificant ‘little thing’.

I’m the last dot at the end of this continual phrase and even though I exist, I do so only to a minimal, negligible degree………….

I’m the definite in the indefinite. I’m right there but you’ve been putting me off indefinitely.

I’m the cold shower on that chilly night you dreaded and took.I’m right there but all you ever do is talk bout how easy it is for you to brave the winters.

I’m the thing you wanted to say but left unsaid. I’m a figment of no one’s imagination.

I’m the ink of your only tattoo that healed , mixed with the scabs n fell off. I never mattered.

I’m the stroll on the promenade the other night that you didn’t wanna talk about the next morning. I lost my memory. I let go.

I’m the impossible possibility, you thought would play the part of the most improbable turn of events of your life’s story. I happened.

When you’re on your own you’re one person. When you’re with someone, you’re someone else. And after that when you’re all by yourself all over again you don’t instantly get back to being who you were when you started. You are a watered down, drained out version of yourself and that’s not who you really are.

It’s a process and it takes a while for you to heal and get back to your original self. The key here is patience and time. You need to give the wound its due time to heal. If you keep scratching it over and over again it’ll never heal. But if u just sit tight and patiently wait for nature to take its course, in time it will heal.

Yes, time and again it’ll hurt like the spot of any physical injury would, but it will heal. And when it does, you will know it. The scabs will fall off. You will see the difference for yourself. You will sense it.

Yes, there will be scars but what’s most important is that you healed. They weren’t fools who said time is the best healer of all. There certainly is sense in it. Let it pass. Let it heal. And don’t let the watered down, drained out version take over the real you and become the permanent you.

It’s hard work for your loved ones to put up with the watered down, sick, hurting version of you. It’s like nursing a cranky, sick child who keeps up all day and all night. It is sheer hard work to put up with that stuff. If your friends do stick around, you’re lucky. If they can’t, don’t point a gun at them for it. They have a life too and nursing the heartbroken version of you is your own job, not theirs. Once you’re back on your feet, bridge the gaps instead of burning the bridges.

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A woman who has to turn into a man to fit in is no woman after all.

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